Seek Those in The Same Boat

People who are not in a caregiving situation, especially those who have never (or more likely not yet) experienced it, want to be sympathetic, want to help. But while you can accept their sympathy, even their help, there is nothing like talking with, being with, and sharing stories and tips with those who are currently in the same boat. Those people who are actively caregiving. Their situations may be slightly different from yours — their loved one has terminal cancer; yours is dealing with advanced Parkinsons disease, for example, or yours has Alzheimer’s while theirs has vascular dementia — they are in the trenches along with you. Seeking out those in similar current situations lets you know in a way that nothing else does: You are not alone!

The article (link below) details how caregivers can help support each other.971064c6-42b8-41c0-a373-b15010e84930

Caregiver.com

Advertisements

Simmering Family Issues in Caregiving

th-1
You can’t do it all. It’s not your fault!

It’s sometimes very difficult to step back into a family when you’ve purposely separated yourself  from them. When aging parents need help caring for themselves, but the relationship with them has been fraught and you or your siblings face making decisions when what you really want to do is hide from the whole thing to protect yourself, you have a few choices. OK Now What? A Caregiver’s Guide to What Matters (Head to Wind Publishing) offers succinct, practical suggestions for approaching this dilemma. The article ( link below) in caregiver.com offers much the same approach — helpful and practical without sidestepping the difficulties. It’s never easy, but remember: you’re not alone.

See the eight practical guidelines offered in the article.

 

via Unresolved Issues in Family Caregiving – Caregiver.com

“Invisible” Caregiving

gary-sitting_webnewGary Barq’s memory of his Hungarian grandfather, who worked as a painting contractor in his own business until 80. When Gary’s grandfather developed Alzheimer’s the family who adored him, figured out a way to take care of him without destroying his dignity or their lives. It’s a touching story and one worth reading.  “Ok, We Go Now” – Caregiver.com

You can get copies of OK Now What? A Caregiver’s Guide to What Matters (Head to Wind Publishing) through caregiver.com or through amazon.com.

Balancing Caregiver Guilt

You can’t do it all. It’s not your fault!

 

So often, it’s coulda/shoulda with caregivers. No matter how much they do, they seem to feel as though it’s never enough– perhaps because our loving inclination is to try to heal or solve the problems our loved one is having. Even though we know that we can’t do it, there is always that nagging feeling that you might be able to if only you’d try harder, give up more of yourself, your life, found something — anything — that could do it. What we know in our mind is often at war with what we struggle with in our gut. It’s not healthy for either us or our loved one, and is, ultimately, not helpful to the situation. But even if you can’t completely dominate that nagging guilt, you can, with logic, persistence and support of those who have been there done that, assuage it.

Talking with others who’ve been there done that helps.

2016 Friendly Caregiver Awarded book, OK Now What? A Caregiver’s Guide to What Matters (Head to Wind Publishing)  offers suggestions for balancing guilt with reality.

Available Amazon

caregiver.com

OK What Matters Most?

Pangborn Hall, Mt St Mary’s College

Sue and Nancy have been invited (and have accepted with glee!) an invitation to speak this Thursday at Mount St. Mary’s College in Frederick, MD. Their talk, OK, What Matters Most?, is sponsored by  the Living Leadership program in the Institute for Leadership, Ethics, Achievement and Development.

 

“Ultimately, leadership is not about glorious crowning acts.
It’s about keeping your team focused on a goal and motivated
to do their best to achieve it, especially when the stakes are high
and the consequences really matter. It is about laying the groundwork
for others’ success, and then standing back and letting them shine.”
–Chris Hadfield

Resolutions and Daily Life

1-copy2

I’ve never been a believer in  thinking up New Year’s resolutions because for one thing, they’re usually the stuff I’ve been trying to accomplish or delete all year long, and stressing over it during the last few days of every year, when life is stressful enough, just seems counterproductive to me. Having said that, some of my friends make them, and find the annual deadline helpful. Some even achieve them! Today’s Caregiver Magazine (who gave us an award for our book — thanks thanks!) has the same kind of suggestions that we, and virtually every other person who has done/seen or been recruited into caregiving subscribes to. If you’re a January 1-resolution-person, AND are a caregiver (though many of them work just as well for those who are simply trying to improve our own lives and live the best way we can day by day), they’re spot-on.

Caregiver.com

Being Present Matters

A new study has found that teenagers want — and do better with — their parents just being around. Not necessarily always interacting with them, but just being there and available.’Potted Plant Parents’.  I’ve posted this NY Times link because I think it’s true in all kinds of ways — being present with other human beings is really what we need. We don’t necessarily need advice, conversation, non-stop guidance. Our being there is you making a statement that you are available. And care. That’s quiet love.