Balancing Caregiver Guilt

You can’t do it all. It’s not your fault!


So often, it’s coulda/shoulda with caregivers. No matter how much they do, they seem to feel as though it’s never enough– perhaps because our loving inclination is to try to heal or solve the problems our loved one is having. Even though we know that we can’t do it, there is always that nagging feeling that you might be able to if only you’d try harder, give up more of yourself, your life, found something — anything — that could do it. What we know in our mind is often at war with what we struggle with in our gut. It’s not healthy for either us or our loved one, and is, ultimately, not helpful to the situation. But even if you can’t completely dominate that nagging guilt, you can, with logic, persistence and support of those who have been there done that, assuage it.

Talking with others who’ve been there done that helps.

2016 Friendly Caregiver Awarded book, OK Now What? A Caregiver’s Guide to What Matters (Head to Wind Publishing)  offers suggestions for balancing guilt with reality.

Available Amazon


Money, Finances and Caregiving

thIt can be complicated, especially if you’re still digging your way out of the Great Recession.  Our book recommends getting paperwork in order before you nee to have it in order to care or a loved one, though that doesn’t always happen in families. There are other avenues and official documents that can help. Learning, understanding and managing the options takes planning, knowledge, and cooperation with both the cared for and often the rest of the family. (We’re assuming the part about making sure the person who’s taking care of the financial resources is trustworthy), and initiating.  To learn more, go to:

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OK What Matters Most?

Pangborn Hall, Mt St Mary’s College

Sue and Nancy have been invited (and have accepted with glee!) an invitation to speak this Thursday at Mount St. Mary’s College in Frederick, MD. Their talk, OK, What Matters Most?, is sponsored by  the Living Leadership program in the Institute for Leadership, Ethics, Achievement and Development.


“Ultimately, leadership is not about glorious crowning acts.
It’s about keeping your team focused on a goal and motivated
to do their best to achieve it, especially when the stakes are high
and the consequences really matter. It is about laying the groundwork
for others’ success, and then standing back and letting them shine.”
–Chris Hadfield

Cooking for Chemo

While OK Now What? A Caregiver’s Guide to What Matters includes easy, healthy recipes  for caregivers to make for both themselves (you need to keep yourself healthy) and their loved one, Chef Ryan Callahan has great tips for those cooking for a loved one going through chemo. Check it out at:

Caregiver Commandments

Breathe! And Take Care of yourself while caring for someone

From Today’s Caregiver magazine and, who awarded OK Now What? A Caregiver’s Guide to What Matters the 2016 Friendly Caregiver Award, comes a guest post detailing all the things we suggest in the same kind of sensible, advice-from-a-friend manner.

Laughter The Best Medicine?

imagesWe may be earnest about caregiving, but life needs all kinds of dimensions. Especially laughter. It’s healthy, lightens the load, the mood, the day and the job at hand. Laughing at the absurdities, ironies and more can be the difference between connecting with your loved one and being unadulteratedly burdened by the job of caregiving. Gary Barg, Editor in Chief of  Today’s Caregiver magazine has something to say about the balm of laughter in a time of caregiving.

Read more here:

Read to Me

Today’s Caregiver’s guest article offers simple advice to both caregivers and to those who may only simg_7168top by to visit someone who is being cared for: Read. Do you find it hard to find conversation with someone who is shut in? whose life and contacts (if not necessarily interests) have contracted for whatever reason? Bring something to read to them or with them. A book you can continue chapter by chapter, or their favorite magazine or newspaper (yes, they still print those!). Read the full article here: